#2 Belonging while Black + Queer

Feb 29

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In this episode, Dr. Mona speaks with Sherri Ford-Jacobs, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Licensed Clinical Addictions Specialist, about belonging as a queer, Black woman.

To begin, Dr. Mona shares how they met and she started a group practice of mental health therapists. She called up her old friend, Richard, about seeing clients in her new practice and he agreed. She wanted to make sure that the practice was rooted in education and one that is centered is diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging. Richard recommended Sherri for this practice with Dr. Mona, and it was about real inclusion, not a performative one. As soon as they connected, there was a chemistry there and they knew this would be a long season of life together! As a Black, queer woman, Sherri has had many unique experiences and has many different layers of diversity that come together in one person. She shares her research on the concept of intersectionality, which is studying identity in service of better understanding social inequalities, and specifically for her, in higher education. A space that shares identities with us can still feel oppressive and make you feel not understood.

Next, Sherri shares how this new space with Dr. Mona felt in which she truly felt like she belonged, was family and in community with this person and space. In the past, organizations would have a Black person on the team, but it is really a performative figurehead to represent, just to show they are being “diverse.” The rest of the team would ask questions to better understand specific social groups and as a Black woman, when she asked questions in the past, people would immediately jump to the conclusion that she’s aggressive and difficult to work with. She states that there is a difference between advocating and standing up for someone. Sherri continues to share an example of when Richard, a white man, responded to oppressive types of behavior and language going on in a class, and it was against a white person. It was the first time that ever happened and someone else took on that weight and showed up for her. Richard showed up not just for Black or queer people, but he showed up for everyone in that class. We need to be self empowered by advocating and having the most control over ourselves, but that can get tiring to show up that way in so many spaces.

These experiences impact Sherri’s identity because “queer” adds another layer. She is identified as a woman and Black, which was taught in her family, but queer was not. Growing up in the sixties, it was not okay to be queer and it was a disappointing experience for her. If one of us is not free, then none of us are. This created extra damage and perpetuated the same narrative. She is also now experiencing ageism with turning 55 and having so many people call her “ma’am.” That extra layer made the ways to truly belong more narrowed in the social hierarchy. There are not many spaces that feel safe and secure to her, but she wants to create more of those spaces in different ways instead of trying to find them. Sherri says you just get through these spaces by having courage and finding people that are like minded.

Finally, Sherri talks about how coming out as queer isn't acceptable, but she always knew that she was. She became more comfortable being queer in her own identity. When most people hear the word “queer,” they have a certain stereotype, and can’t conceptualize something that is different than that. There is a sense of abandonment in the community and you are seen as a traitor, but seeking that cocoon and speaking truth to your own people helps. Lastly, she shares that sometimes the most harmful thing you can do to yourself is keeping ties with family that don’t accept you. She advises to cut those ties, decide who you will have in your circle and find your chosen family that will stand behind you.

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1:23 - Dr. Mona introduces today’s guest, Sherri Ford-Jacobs.

1:53 - Dr. Mona shares how they met.

7:17 - Sherri shares her research on the concept of intersectionality.

8:58 - What was different for you in this new space?

10:06- How is that different for you than what you experienced before?

17:22 - How do these experiences impact your queer identity?

20:28 - How have you identified spaces that feel secure for you?

24:56 - What is that identity construction process like?

27:04 - The stereotype of queer.

29:05 - How do you connect with the people in your family that you love, that are perpetuating the pain?

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