#11 Belonging + Mental Health

May 2

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In this episode for Mental Health Awareness Month, we flip the script where Dr. Mona is interviewed about mental health by a guest host, the show’s producer Julius Shepard-Morgan.

To begin, Dr. Mona shares that mental health for her is a journey without a final destination.There is no end or point of arrival for mental health. It is a consistent activity like taking a shower or taking care of yourself physically – you have to continue working on it. Dr. Mona suggests having the space to breathe and change, and consider if you feel good about who you are and where you are going. Talking about mental health and putting more rituals into daily practice will also help. She also recommends doing a deep identity exploration and identifying the people around you in your life and what their identities are. When we have these deep conversations, there is more respect for the differences that we have and seeing the commonality in our humanity.

Dr. Mona was inspired to become a mental health therapist and support others in their journey by seeing the struggles that everyone has. She experienced the loss of her two younger brothers when she was 8 years old, and also struggled with perpetual identity crisis and undiagnosed autism. This made her feel isolated, but also helped her develop tremendous empathy from a very young age. However, after finishing her master’s degree in counseling, she struggled to become a therapist for many years, because her empathy could be overwhelming and she didn’t know how to manage it.

As human beings, we all want to connect with each other. Biologically, we are wired to need each other to survive, and we can become depressed without deep relationships and human connection. However, to maintain our mental wellbeing, we also need to know our own individual bodies and how much we can handle being around people. Being selective about who we hang out with will help you on your journey. One important tool we can use to support each other is to see each other’s humanity. To do that, we need to possess humility, which means admitting there are things going on that we don’t know. This can include things we see on the news, wars that are happening in other countries, and even the struggles that our closest family members or friends are going through.

If she could talk to her younger self, she would tell her that she was deeply wise beyond her age and that it could be really confusing and isolating sometimes, but it would get better. She would find her people and there would be true connection. These days, to help herself feeling safe on a daily basis, Dr. Mona embraces a spirit of learning and a spirit of sharing. When she feels unsure of herself or the world, she goes back to those two core elements. Knowing that she has control over the way she receives herself helps her feeling settled and at ease in who she is.

In honor of mental health awareness month, she encourages anyone considering therapy to take that first step toward their mental health journey. We need to take care of our minds to make sense of it all. Many people wait until they are in a crisis mode to seek out help, but finding mental health support can be a real challenge if you need immediate support. She suggests accessing therapy now, if that’s available to you, and getting to know a therapist so that when a crisis does come around, you’ve already built that relationship. Another option is to identify co-healers in your circle and find folx to do healing work together in whatever way feels aligned. Making that commitment to heal old wounds can look like talking on the phone, going on walks together, and doing activities together to break the cycle and heal. There are also local universities that have graduate student interns that offer mental counseling services for free and you can find that by researching pro-bono therapy or telehealth options in your city or state.

Dr. Mona then shares tools and steps that we can take to help our loved ones who are struggling. First, we can bring up feelings and name them. It’s also okay to be annoyed and frustrated with someone who is not helping themselves and is doing things that are harming themselves. We can’t save people from themselves and therapists can’t save people either. In Dr. Mona’s Belonging Model, there are three different layers in belonging: seeing someone, embracing someone, and celebrating someone. Seeing someone means seeing a person for their quirks and personality. Embracing someone is knowing who they are and having that intrapsychic connection with them with unconditional love and no judgment. Celebrating someone is openly acknowledging that person’s lived experiences. When we create belonging and connection for a person, that makes them feel a little less isolated. We also need to find other helpers for people in their own lives so you're not carrying this by yourself.

In conclusion, Dr. Mona shares that to her personally, as a Woman of Color, belonging means being as big or small as she pleases, and showing up how she wants. She encourages people to connect to each other and themselves, and create that spirit of learning and sharing. There is so much that is possible for all of us.

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1:06 - Dr. Mona introduces the episode and today’s host, Julius.

2:23 - How would you define mental health and selfcare?

4:44 - What are the long term effects of supporting mental health?

6:58 - What inspired you to be a mental health therapist and support others in their journey?

10:38 - Why is it important for us to find a sense of belonging with other people?

13:40 - What are some tools we can use to help each other?

15:12 - What would you say to that little girl?

16:46 - How do you feel safe on a daily basis?

18:46 - What would you say to those thinking about going to therapy?

23:23 - What tools and steps can we use to help those struggling?

28:09 - What does belonging mean to you?