#27 Belonging + Toxic Positivity

Aug 22

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In this episode, Dr. Mona speaks with internationally recognized psychic, author, and cosmic coach Dougall Fraser. Kicking off the conversation, Dougall explains his own understanding of toxic positivity, a term that has gained popularity in recent years. He describes his long journey within the spiritual community, starting from a young age, and how he often felt like an outsider due to his identity as a gay person and his sensitivity to color and energy. Although the new age community welcomed him, Dougal started to feel the pressure to always maintain a "high vibration" and perfect positivity. This expectation made him feel inadequate, as he struggled to constantly embody the ideals of positive thinking and manifestation. Dougal relates toxic positivity to the external pressure to maintain a perfect state of being, which he finds detrimental to personal growth.

Toxic positivity creates unrealistic expectations for individuals, particularly in spiritual spaces. Dougall emphasizes the importance of acknowledging both positive and negative emotions as part of the human experience, rather than striving for a false sense of perfection. Dr. Mona advocates for embracing the "both-and" approach, where one can experience multiple emotions simultaneously, such as feeling both annoyed and grateful when facing rejection. Dr. Mona and Dougall discuss their personal experiences with toxic positivity, particularly in the context of spirituality and physical health. They agree that while positive thinking and affirmations are valuable, the emphasis on constant positivity can be harmful when it dismisses the complexity of human experiences.

Then, the conversation delves deeper into the complexities of managing depression and anxiety. Dougall emphasizes that while it is important to stay in one's power despite these challenges, it is equally vital to acknowledge when these feelings become overwhelming. Toxic positivity discourages individuals from facing these difficult emotions, urging them instead to ignore or dismiss negative thoughts entirely. On the other hand, shadow work is a process of introspection that involves confronting the darker, often hidden aspects of oneself. There is a resistance to this kind of deep, introspective shadow work because it requires facing uncomfortable truths about oneself.

As the conversation shifts to the topic of privilege and its role in toxic positivity, Dougall discusses how privilege can influence one's ability to manifest desires and achieve goals, highlighting the importance of acknowledging this when discussing topics like manifestation and positive thinking. There is a need for a more inclusive conversation around these topics, one that takes into account the different starting points and challenges that people face.

Shifting gears, Dougall explains that how couples manage disagreements and challenges is a more significant indicator of the strength of their relationship than how well they get along when things are easy. Discomfort, whether in personal growth or relationships, can be a powerful catalyst for deeper connection and understanding. Dougall explains that all emotions deserve our respect and exploration, just as all colors do in color energy. As humans, we often want to name things to make ourselves feel safer. This often creates barriers and negative connotations that we impose in our own minds. These systems prevent us from expanding and fully experiencing the world in front of us.

Finally, Dougall shares what belonging means to him: feeling safe.

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1:06 - Dr. Mona introduces today’s guest, Dougall Fraser.

2:38 - The meaning and impact of toxic positivity

5:33 - The harmful effects of toxic positivity.

9:07 - Personal experiences and spiritual challenges.

13:57 - The impact of depression, anxiety, and shadow work.

18:08 - Vulnerability and authenticity.

19:49 - Privilege in toxic positivity.

25:59 - The value of conflict in relationships.

20:04 - The similarities of color energy and emotions.

32:02 - How humans create barriers and frameworks in our minds.