#7 Belonging + Interracial Relationships

Apr 4

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In this episode, Dr. Mona speaks with guest Latreash McCurdy about belonging in interracial relationships. Latreash is the owner of the brand and website development company, Latreash Designs. First, Latreash talks about her background with her biological father being Black and her mother being white. She was raised by her white uncle in the 80’s and 90’s. She identifies as mixed race, Black and white equally. They discuss how saying one is half Black or half white can fragment a person – each one of us is a whole person. Latreash says her biracial identity has made her feel like she doesn’t fully belong to either race. Growing up, she would see a mixed person on TV but with two Black parents, and she’d think to herself, “that’s not how my family is, and that’s not accurate.” She shares a memory of seeing a Cheerios commercial with an interracial couple and a mixed child that aired about ten years ago. She was excited seeing herself finally represented on TV, but that commercial received so much public hate that she felt like she couldn’t be represented.

For Latreash, she is always dating interracially because she is biracial. Her interracial dating life has been fun, challenging, sometimes really uncomfortable, and a wide array of experiences. She didn’t have a guide to this type of dating growing up and she thought everyone would accept her because she is “a little bit of everything.” Her first memory of liking a boy was in the fifth grade and her friend said Latreash couldn’t like him because he’s white. As she grew up, her two older sisters, who were also mixed, only dated Black men, and then Latreash only dated Black men. The message she received was that if you’re Brown, you should also be with people who are Brown. She felt like she couldn’t date certain people, either because she was afraid of conflict or she was following what was represented. Since then, she has tried to find belonging in dating and looks for that space and representation where she feels embraced, seen and safe.

Next, Latreash and Dr. Mona discuss all the outside noise in interracial dating. Latreash has dated men of different ethnicities and finds that usually her partners were not the problem, but their families were. She remembers dating a Black man whose grandmother had called her “the white girl.” This made her feel like she didn’t belong in a Black family because one person didn’t see her that way. It usually is other people's judgments that cause challenges, like looks from strangers, people making comments, and the things she overheard. The amount of challenges also depend on the partner’s race – if you are dating a white man, he may not have an awareness or acknowledgement of the judgments so they don’t realize that they are perpetuating the challenges. She suggests being prepared for the hard conversations you will have with your partner. Latreash also tells a story of her friend telling her she should date a Black man after Latreash broke up with an Asian boyfriend. However, to her, finding your person is what really matters instead of the color of their skin. People can say things that make you feel like you don’t belong in this world, but you have to be prepared to have those tough conversations and advocate for yourself.

Lastly, Latreash and Dr. Mona talk about racism, ignorance, and culture in dating, and where that line is. She recalls a time when she dated a white man and the uncle called her son’s Shaq action figure the “n” word. She had to have a difficult conversation with her partner and his uncle. Hearing that word made her not feel welcomed or comfortable anymore. She also dated a Korean man and his mother would pray that he would meet a Korean or a white girlfriend in front of Latreash, and offered to help her with childcare if she left her son, because she thought Latreash was only with her son for the money. This shows that she did not accept Latreash’s Blackness, and prompts her to think, “If his mother can’t accept me, how long until he won’t accept me?” You also feel guilt for staying in that relationship because the partner is now alienated from their family, but then you also think, did they really accept him if they didn't respect his choices? She suggests creating belonging through boundaries and setting those up ahead of time. If you wait for an incident to happen in the moment and then you address it, it will be much worse than talking it through upfront.

In conclusion, Latreash shares that, for her, representation of her identities is a big part of belonging. Being able to be comfortable and seeing people who look like her in places like TV and commercials makes her feel like she is not looked at as an oddity and that she’s accepted in society.

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1:12 - Dr. Mona introduces today’s guest, Latreash McCurdy.

3:47 - Interracial dating.

5:54 - How does interracial dating look for you?

11:23 - Challenges of interracial dating.

13:35 - All the outside noise.

24:24 - Racism, ignorance, and culture.

27:58 - Boundaries and advocacy in interracial dating.

41:51 - What does belonging mean to you?

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Learn more about Latreash McCurdy.

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