#24 Belonging + Autism

Aug 8

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In this episode, Dr. Mona talks to guest Jen Garrett, a mental health therapist and clinical supervisor who explores the field of social health and its impact on mental health. Jen’s experience growing up in a conservative, evangelical home in the South, with increasing awareness of her queerness, called her to begin the lifelong work of reckoning with – and becoming – who she is. The most recent discovery she's made about herself is that she's autistic – always has been, and always will be.

To begin, Jen shares what identities are relevant to her right now. She points out that growing up in an evangelical, conservative culture has impacted her expression and relationship with her identities. She is also a Southerner and was just diagnosed autistic 7 months ago, but had been self identifying 2 years ago. She struggled with whether or not she needed an official diagnosis, and who it would be for. The assessor identified her as autistic and ADHD and she is still trying to figure out how that shows up in her. Her journey in getting those diagnoses led her to courses on autism and she found herself pushing pause and crying a lot because she didn’t know those traits of autistic people were also her own. She felt like she was seeing or hearing herself with this information and that it finally made sense. They discuss the grief and relief process, and talk about all of the ways that she could have been supporting herself better when she was forcing herself to do things that weren’t natural or good for her. She created an unspoken promise that now that I know better, I can do better. She apologized to herself and adapted to a new version of herself and new needs.

After realizing one is autistic, the interpersonal relationship changes within themselves. She felt a disconnect between intellectual ability and adaptive functioning. How smart she is doesn’t equal how well she can do with day-to-day life, tasks, and challenges. This realization really shifted at home with her wife, and she always struggled with making appointments and opening up mail, but now her wife helps her do those normal things. An autistic shutdown or meltdown is when someone is overwhelmed with sensory details and it is too much to cope with. She usually ends up crying and has an impulse to bang her head – there are too many big emotional expressions happening in her body. Crying is also a regulating system helping one get to rest and relaxation mode. She also has a shift in her marriage relationship and now her wife asks what she needs when she is crying. Dr. Mona and Jen also discuss interoception in our bodies, which is self-awareness of what your body needs like hunger, heart rate, pain, etc. In autism, this can be either really high or really low, which over-stimulates the system. A key part of emotional regulation is building that awareness and being patient with autistic people taking the time to process information.

Next, Jen says the official diagnosis was important because she wanted someone else to sit with her through that process and to tell her whole story. She wanted to be seen and see it through this lens. Dr. Mona also shares that she wanted that validation from someone else and not just herself. It also felt like a celebration of self and in some systems, such as her family. Some misconceptions about autism include people thinking you are being rude when you really don’t notice someone waving across the street because you are in your own little world. They also talk about dating struggles and how it’s harder for autistic people to read dating cues. Jen also talks about how she found herself in roles throughout her life that didn’t require reciprocity. For an autistic person, reciprocity means creating a space where you could be seen. She had to practice mindfulness and recognize that it is not natural for her. This reciprocity has impacted marginalized identities and also more privileged identities as well.

In closing, Jen shares that belonging to her means she can recognize herself when she is with someone else.

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0:39 - Dr. Mona introduces today’s guest, Jen Garrett.

4:23 - What other identities are relevant for you right now?

6:24 - What has that journey been like for you in getting those diagnoses?

9:58 - After realizing one is autistic, how does the interpersonal relationship change within themselves?

13:22 - What is autistic shutdown/meltdown?

17:58 - Interoceptions in our bodies.

25:00 - What was so important to you about getting the official diagnosis?

30:06 - What misconceptions do people have about autism?

34:13 - What would reciprocity mean for an autistic person?

40:49 - What guidance do you have about exploring a diagnosis?